The Lawyer Business Coach: Humor Means Health! Are Lawyers ‘Legal Eagles’ Or ‘Legal Beagles’?

Yes, I’m a lawyer. Please don’t hold it against me. Many people don’t like lawyers. They say they seldom return phone calls. Others complain that they charge too much money. Many say they don’t speak plain English, and instead speak what is sometimes called ‘legal gobbledegook.’ Some even think lawyers are all crooks.

Many people think lawyers should be eliminated altogether. But America loves lawyers. We have more lawyers, per capita here, than any other nation in the world. When I passed the bar and started law practice, the registration number I was assigned was 2,386. That’s how many lawyers there were in Colorado, USA. If I were to tell you how many Colorado lawyers there are today you wouldn’t believe me and you would think I was lying. By the way, you do know how to tell if a lawyer is lying don’t you? If his mouth is moving.

Again, many people think lawyers should be eliminated altogether. Shakespeare, in Hamlet, has the line, “The first order of business should be to kill all the lawyers.” Heaven forbid! Pogo, our cartoon philosopher friend, gave us an alternative: “Let’s just shorten their legal pads.” This sounds like a much more realistic idea to me. Doesn’t it to you too?

I write different types of articles: business, spiritual, and human development. I call myself ‘The Lawyer Business Coach,’ and ‘The Gospel Coach.’ Most people can understand me writing law-business articles. But many can’t understand me writing spiritual articles. I’ve had people say, “How can you be a lawyer, and a Christian too? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms?”

At a funeral service the minister said, “Here lies a lawyer, and a good Christian man.” One fellow asked the minister: “Did they bury two men in the same grave?” But, yes, I do write spiritual articles. My focus is living daily life in the power of the finished work of the gospel of Jesus.

My purpose in these humor articles is simply to give you a greater fondness for us lawyers. Maybe just a greater tolerance for us? Take your pick. Don’t forget to hug your lawyer today. On second thought, maybe that’s not such a good idea. Ignore that counsel.

Remember, lawyers are people too. Well, at least most of us. And at least most of the time. Whichever is greater. Or least. Or perhaps both.

Those Legal EAGLES (or is that ‘BEAGLES’?)

Lawyers are the legal eagles of society! We are the custodians of liberty!! We are the protectors of the people!!! We are the stalwarts of justice!!!! We are the upholders of the Constitution!!!!! And if you believe this, then I also have some ocean-front property in Denver, Colorado I want to sell you too.

We all know what an eagle is. It’s a large, gorgeous, strong bird that is the symbol of America herself. We lawyers like to consider ourselves legal eagles. We also all know what beagles are. It is defined as a dog who is a small hound, with a smooth, lavish coat, short legs and drooping ears. They also have a wide throat, and produce a deep growl or fierce bark. This describes a lot of lawyers I know.

It’s Hard For Lawyers To Stay Motivated

It’s especially hard for us lawyers to stay motivated because of all the negative lawyer jokes we hear all the time. I wish people would go back to Pollock jokes. But then I’m not so sure about this either, because Sir Frederick Pollock was a famous English lawyer barrister, and jurist.

I feed myself this stuff because it’s so hard for us lawyers to stay motivated. That is, unless we are suing someone. Why? Because we lawyers are the most enthusiastically negative people in the world. But it’s not without cause.

In defense of lawyers (most of whom need a lot of defense), do you have any idea how difficult it is to stay motivated, enthusiastic, or ‘up’ when you face one negative person or situation after another, hour after hour, all day long?

Law offices are negative, because they consist of lawyers. Also, a lawyers’ secretary is often down in the bumps because of her boss. After all, how would you feel if you were a legal secretary and you were ready to leave work for the day. You pop your head into your bosses’ office and say, “Hey boss, have a good day!” He snarls back at you: “Don’t tell ME what to do!”

That’s how it is in most lawyers’ offices. Wouldn’t this negative atmosphere rub off on you too if you had to work in it constantly?

Of course, clients are usually negative because of the things they are facing – criminal matters, traffic violations, divorces, bankruptcies, corporate problems, contract breeches, and many, many other types of things. When you’re a lawyer, you must handle those negative clients – and then fight with other lawyers and judges on top of that.

At the end of the case you often have to fight your client to collect your fee. Especially if you lose! What a business. It is no wonder lawyers are negative people.

Practicing law is a lot like practicing prostitution. In both cases, the value of services rendered drastically declines – once those services have been performed. It’s because clients don’t like to pay once services have been performed that makes many lawyers collect their fees in advance.

So, we lawyers spend all of our days fighting with everyone we come into contact with. Then we spend our nights worried about the next day’s activities. And you thought being a lawyer was just a lot of fun and games, didn’t you?

Next time we’ll talk about the mixed messages that lawyers often give people.

Mesothelioma Litigation Lawyers – What Questions Will The Lawyer Ask During The First Meeting

When a client goes to see a lawyer, there are some specific things that the lawyer will want to know and will subject the client in a line of questioning; the first interview is usually the crucial interview. This is because this is the meeting that will determine if the lawyer will represent the client or not. So the lawyer will want to know why the client needs the services of a lawyer. The reason why the want to know why the client needs their services, is to enable them evaluate the matter and see if they are going to represent them or not. In cases where the client cannot be represented by a particular lawyer, they are forwarded to a more appropriate lawyer who will be able to handle his or her legal matters.

Another common question that lawyers ask clients at a first meeting is if the client has seen other lawyers before. If other lawyers have been hired to represent the client the lawyer will want to know why their services to the client were terminated. They will also want to know if there were other lawyers so that the lawyer can be able to work with other lawyers. The other lawyers that have worked with the client could have unraveled matter about the case that could help the current lawyer who has been assigned to the case.

Another common question that a lawyer asks at a first meeting with a client is the financial stand of the client. Lawyers rarely give free services even at a first meeting. They do not charge that meeting and they will want to get the best out of it. So they will want to know if that client is in a position to pay the lawyer fees. If the client finds the rate to be very high, then other lawyer who has lower rates can be recommended.

An initial client lawyer meeting will include questions of the criminal record of the client. This prepares the lawyer and also gives him the opportunity to understand the legal stand of the client. The lawyer will want to know if there are people who will be able to act as witnesses or even act as proof of good conduct. They will want the list of the witnesses so that the lawyer can be able to compare the facts of their client and the other people so that they see if the client is saying the truth or not.

Smart lawyers will ask about the legal problems of the client and will not interrupt them as they narrate. While the client is talking the lawyer will be noting important points. As much as they would want the meeting to be brief so that they can save a lot of time and money. Many lawyers have come to realize that they get a lot of information from their clients when they are talking without being interrupted. After the narration they will then ask specific questions to get the some things clear and they stand a better chance of winning a case.

Let’s Kill All the Lawyers? Private Investigators and Lawyers Working Together

In Shakespeare’s ”Henry VI,” Part II, Act IV one of the characters famously states: ”Let’s kill all the lawyers.” This sentence is often misinterpreted. I have seen it quoted as an indication that lawyers are for example not to be trusted or only after money, or unethical or corrupt.

Shakespeare’s exact line ”The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,” was actually said by Dick the Butcher. Dick the Butcher was a follower of the rebel Jack Cade, who thought that if he disturbed law and order, he could become king.

Seen this way Shakespeare was actually illustrating a positive view of lawyers – they instill justice in society.

In our line of work lawyers and private investigators often collaborate. Despite being proficient and trained in our respective professions, we cannot function entirely on our own. We require the assistance of others. This might include professionals within our field of specialization or individuals from other professions. Lawyers and private investigators share such a mutually beneficial relationship.

Although a lawyer has several skills, resources and techniques at his disposal, working with a resourceful private investigator can make the difference to how and how soon he or she is able to crack a case.

Listed below are a few reasons why a private investigator can be a lawyer’s best friend.

1. Interviewing witnesses –

Provided with police reports and other necessary documents, a private investigator does his best to locate all possible witnesses and thereafter interviews each one of them. A witness is not legally bound to talk to you or provide answers to your questions. Most of them detest lawyers and try to stay away from them. A Private investigator, with his persuasive manner, gets around witnesses and secures the desired information.

2. Locating witnesses –

Often prosecutors and the police tend to overlook potential witnesses because the process is tedious and time consuming. A private investigator scours the place or case for additional witnesses and thereby unearths facts previously unknown to the lawyer, prosecutor or police. A private investigator does not only help locate witnesses but also relatives and friends involved in a case for an example an heir.

3. Conducting a thread-bare analysis of recorded statements –

After recording statements by witnesses, PIs sit down to compare and contrast these statements recorded by witnesses. They analyze the recorded statements in order to judge the integrity of the witness in question. A detailed scrutiny of the recorded statements helps them catch flaws and areas for exploitation.

4. Tracing assets –

Private investigators can help in tracing lost, hidden or robbed assets on behalf of an attorney associate for his customers. Assets include locating real estate property, vehicles, antiques, collectibles, jewelry, artwork and important documents. PIs also help in locating illegal off shore and domestic bank accounts. They also monitor trademark and intellectual property goods for counterfeiting and improper diversion.

5. Reviewing crime scenes –

The facts are the meat of any case; it can make or break it. Often, lawyers observe that there are discrepancies in the reports at different levels. These differences make it difficult to proceed with the case. Instead of depending on the reports created by the officer-in-charge, a lawyer can hire a private investigator to go review the crime scene. Many PIs are trained in police procedures and can attend crime scenes to make sketches, take pictures and notes, videotaping and the likes. These details might seem minor, but they are crucial because they reveal inconsistencies.

6. Recovering electronic evidence –

In our age of computers and technology, looking up diary entries and letters to clues does not suffice. Private and confidential information is stored in password -protected files on computers. A Private investigator is trained in the skill of securing electronic documents including email correspondence as well as deleted files and messages.

Above all, by outsourcing tedious and time-consuming tasks to a qualified professional investigator, you have more time to strengthen your case from the legal angle. Investigating, interviewing and documenting might take up hours for you, but for them it’s easy. So, capitalize on their expertise and come out looking good.